quite a grand adventure

knit a little, talk a little...

2009-08-26T17:11:00.005-04:00

So, I know I never post on here. And I know that's semi-pathetic. Today, I decided to sport my "Rosie the Riveter" shirt (Seriously. It was a gift from my sister, Grace, and I'm wearing it right now.) and get to business regarding a lot of things, including (but not limited to) this blog.

And what to blog about? Well, I thought, there's always knitting. So knitting it is!

My grandma taught me how when I was 10 or 11, and I relearned and honed some skill as a freshman in college. Eight years later, I think I have some marginal expertise in mitten-making, and can do a little of this and that if I'm not making something hugely difficult (I don't challenge myself, but I typically like it that way).

Right now, I probably have about ten projects going on, but I tend to be a seasonal knitter, and winter is my season of choice.

Even so, I embarked on a hat project for my newest little friend, Nora, and so I am knitting once again. In the process, I ran across a group of ladies who knit at a local bookstore each week, and have joined in on their fun, despite the fact that any of them could be my mother (I am certainly an outlier in any sort of chart depicting our demographics...). ;)

Nora's hat is coming along nicely, with no *knitting* problems (a slight yarn crisis was had and then resolved), and it's knitting up very quickly. It's a remake of a '40s classic--the Stella Pixie Hat. I love the peak already, and can't wait for Nora to wear it!

Steven Smith (the bear) is not a baby, but he's the closest thing I've got to use as a model. More pics whenever an actual baby has the hat on. ;)

to be like Caleb...

2008-10-22T17:45:00.002-04:00

Numbers 14:24 But my servant Caleb—this is a different story. He has a different spirit; he follows me passionately. I'll bring him into the land that he scouted and his children will inherit it.

Whoa! This passage just hit me square in the face. What an impressive way for Caleb to be remembered--a man who wholly followed the Lord God of Israel. This is in the Bible; therefore, it's God's opinion of Caleb.

Obedience to the Lord characterized his life. We see him standing up for truth despite fear when sent as a spy to check out Canaan, even when 10/11 of the rest caved into their unbelief. We see him following God for forty years in the wilderness waiting for God's timing for Israel to finally enter the land. We see him faithfully following the Lord under Joshua's leadership, fighting to take the land of promise as a possession. We see him (at 85 years old!) fighting to claim his given inheritance from the giants who lived there.

This man was not passive; he was not content to just meander through life like a wayward stream. Caleb knew God, and sought to live a life of faith practiced through obedience to the Lord. He wholly followed God, and God blessed his obedience.

Lately, I've been yearning for this kind of intense passion and obedience to be true in my own life.... I'm longing to burn out instead of rust out, to take radical steps of faith to follow the Lord instead of living in a cozy bubble of comfort.

God's call certainly is a radical one: to follow Him above all else, to live in full submission to Christ and His will. I want that to characterize my life, don't you? I want to know with certainty, like Caleb did, that I have "followed the Lord fully" and that I've left it all on the field. I want to live a life of passion and action rather than reservation.

Let's follow the Lord fully together. Anyone with me?

"Resolved : that all men should live for the glory of God.
Resolved second : that whether others do or not, I will."
::: Jonathan Edwards

as henry says...

2008-06-11T12:19:00.003-04:00

I recently finished reading Henry Blackaby's book on Holiness, and found it to be very thought-provoking and truthful. His discussion centers around (duh!) holiness, but the meat of the work is that we do not live fully holy lives because we do not really know God and what He's all about... particularly in the dept. of sin.

Henry proposes that if we knew God and His attitude regarding sin, that we wouldn't be content sloppily stumbling through life the way we currently do. We'd be fixated on living as God desires; we'd have a burning desire to leave behind our sin and be holy. As a result, says H, we would be used by God in more substantial ways to relay His holiness to the world.

For a long time, I've been hashing out in my mind what a correct view of the sin-forgiveness cycle should be in a believer's life (particularly, mine). I always come down to the fact that we don't really care about sin, but rather just focus on forgiveness. What I mean is that I don't grieve about my sin; I am not overcome by remorse for sin just because it is sin. I have yet to shave my head and wear sackcloth in response to sin in my life. Of course, those are not the only ways to see sin as what it truly is, but a sigh and a "try better next time" are not produced by a heart which abhors sin as God does. (And certainly, a "well, it's not that bad..." attitude is at war with a biblical perspective of sin.)

Sin is utterly putrid to God, and therefore, it should be to me. I want to be set apart as holy... and I want the church to want that, too!

MY religion ain't a religion

2008-01-11T15:55:00.000-05:00

Last night I began reading a book by Helen Keller that I must've bought at a library book sale for a quarter... it's a pretty mangled copy. Anyhow, I'm only a little ways in, but am already pretty confused at Keller's "religion," which she seems to purport as Christianity. I will keep an open mind as I continue through the entire book, but so far what I've observed is not really that faith in the slightest.

Helen Keller has long been one of my most admired historical figures, but I have to say that at first exposure to her own story of faith, I'm more than a little dismayed and saddened. Of course, even if her understanding of spiritual things was entirely incorrect (as many historical figures' have been), her contributions to society are still tremendous. Even so, however, I personally find that no number of impressive acts or heralded influences can parallel a personal relationship with the living God.

I've heard many times that the Christian faith is not a religion, but rather, a relationship. Religion is about man's acts and attempts to connect with a god. Christianity, in contrast, is the story and understanding of God's pursuit of humanity.

When all other faiths require action on the part of man, Jesus pursued humanity, and made a way for each person to know Him in spite of failings, and without a single deserved effort on his or her behalf, save the crucifixion of Christ Himself.

2008 Mega Book-reading Extravaganza!!!

2008-01-06T17:58:00.000-05:00

I am not typically a resolution-maker, but I think that this year I think a commitment to self-development is appropriate and necessary. Therefore, I've decided to commit to catching up on the reading of many a book I've acquired only to let them collect dust in my room.

To hold myself accountable in that department, I'm going to post about them on here: please feel free to shoot some recommendations/thoughts/critiques/etc my way. I'd also definitely appreciate some of your personal insights on any book that I finish--I thrive on discussion!

To get the ball rolling, I read my first Sherlock Holmes detective story, A Study in Scarlet, over the past two days. All I can say, is that I was definitely mystified by his intellect and reason (as I certainly should've been), and that it made me chuckle more than a little at the very complex story behind the crimes committed (and, of course, it is only fitting that the secret societies and cults in the United States receive some attention...). Has anyone also read it? I'd enjoy hearing your thoughts.

it's spreading like a fever

2008-01-04T09:18:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back home from Christmas Conference, and a good time was had by all. :) It was really great to meet some of the students from UT, and I had oodles of fun getting to know the staff there.

Afterwards, my ex-roommate, Mindy, came down for a day to hang out in the city. That==SO GREAT! We had a blast.

Once I got home, though, the swamp monster attacked. What I mean is, I got sick. I doubt it's some awful deadly virus, but I do feel uncomfortable and such. Thankfully, I can stay inside most of the time and rest, but I'm doing the "Home Alone" thing, and have to maintain my parents' fortress until they return. That basically means taking care of animals 9 out of 10 times.

I don't know if I've ever posted my own pic on here, but this is the photo booth view of the tragic disease infesting me.

another kind of soap box

2007-10-18T23:37:00.000-04:00

As you probably know, I have some opinions about certain things, and am typically not afraid to share my convictions with others. Of course, that is very evident by how I spend my prime working hours while on campus (and even now while I'm building my team of ministry partners), but while I love to talk about God and His work, I have another similarly-related soapbox to stand on after some training I received this week.

In addition to the ministries of evangelism and social charity is another one upon God's heart--faithful stewardship. Jesus Himself spoke and taught on money more than any other topic; He knew the importance of clearly laying out examples of godly finances for us!

This week at my Campus Crusade MPD training conference, we focused much of our time on recognizing our role in relation to what God has entrusted us (after all, He made everything, and therefore, it's ALL His anyway...), and how to faithfully steward these resources. I have to say that I was simply PSYCHED to learn more about this critical area of high importance, and that the concepts we were discussing are neither difficult nor confusing. In fact, I have a great conviction now that faithful stewardship of God's resources (especially money) is the key to living a life of freedom as God intended!

Since this is a topic I could rave about for pages and pages, I'll try to keep my notes to a short post for now, but the basics are as follows:

God owns everything, we are entrusted some of His possessions to steward (which means to care for as God would desire!).
He longs for us to be DILIGENT EARNERS.
His first priority for our stewardship is that we would be GENEROUS GIVERS.
Next, He calls us to be WISE SAVERS, making effective decisions to invest for the future, while not hoarding more than we need.
We should honor God by being CAUTIOUS DEBTORS (contrary to public opinion, debt is NOT unavoidable or expected. We CAN live debt-free!).
We also should be PRUDENT SPENDERS. This means we live a "spartan" lifestyle, not indulging in lavish living, but making modest and moderate choices for our consumption.

I was very encouraged by these concepts, and will probably post some specifics about each at a later time, but wanted to share how exciting faithful stewardship is!

Just think: God has entrusted you with some of His bounty, and He is allowing you to allocate and care for His investments as He would desire. What a great opportunity we have been given by God!

the good old days?

2007-09-19T14:05:00.000-04:00

I've heard stories about the old days from my Grandpa for the last 25 years (yes, even before I was born, he was telling stories...), and got to be part of the restoration of those old days this week. You see, Grandpa found an old photo from summer 1937, the summer he started dating my Grandma.

The photo was in pretty bad shape... there was a terrific tear down the middle (right through Grandpa's head), and about as many wrinkles and creases as Grandpa has now (at 89 years old...). As you can see, the photo is of my grandparents and two other friends, Katie McNeil and Danny Beaudrie (the couple on the left, my grandparents are on the right), down at Lake Erie enjoying a beautiful summer day.

My job? Fix that sucker up and get some copies printed so Gramps could give one to Katie (whose last name now is not McNeil...), and have enough to enjoy them properly himself. ;) Not really that easy of a task, but with a little computer magic, Voila! You see what we've got now. :)

This was more than a fun project, but it was definitely a pleasant one to work on. Actually, it was so fun, that I was thinking about how I could (possibly) make this kind of job into an actual job while I'm raising my support. I definitely could do a much cheaper job for people than other places, and I'd give them files so they can reproduce as many copies as they want with full legal ability to do so.... I guess we'll see.

Oh, Grandpa told me yesterday that they threw my poor Grandma into the lake that day... I'm hoping it was a lot cleaner 70 years ago than it is now!

cafe creme, bitte

2007-09-14T13:41:00.000-04:00

I miss Germany. Lately I've been thinking a lot about Freiburg (it's pretty easy for me to do since I'm sharing with my ministry partners about the last year, which includes the fun of being over there), and I just miss the Germanness of it all. People are so different there, they interact in such a distinctly different way... it's just a refreshing difference in comparison with American culture after having experienced the not-so-fun aspects of campus life in the states.

Don't get me wrong, I do love Americans and our culture, but spending the summer in Germany provided a great change of pace that I will always cherish and long for again. Students' upfront attitudes and openness in discussing sensitive issues was such a great treat for me, and Germans just don't value most of the fake-courtesies of Americans. Of course, that takes a little getting used to... it can be a lot more comfortable at first to be rejected by someone with a fake smile than by someone who really hates what you have to say (and is very blunt about that). Still, I think that in time, I learned to really value that genuine honesty, despite the apparent harshness (and that--however unfair--often is what Germans are remembered for, it seems).

One thing about Germany that I miss most is the simplicity of life, going to a cafe somewhere to spend time with the Lord and people-watch. You order, sit down somewhere, and no one interrupts you, not even at closing time. They know you are able to tell time... and you leave when you're good-and-ready. (Of course, for me, this really never happened since I needed to be back before dark AND had to catch the early streetcar home to make it in time....)

Ah, Deutschland!

hooray for the underdog!

2007-09-04T09:13:00.000-04:00

Saturday I went to the U of M football opener with Greg, and we saw a historicially significant trouncing. There was nothing that could be done, one team just completely out-played the other. The wolverines were sent home defeated.

And the new victors? The rag-tag bunch of hillbillies at a speck of a school in North Carolina--Appalachian State. Their school boasts only 1,600 students (about the size of the U of M football team if you're counting red-shirts), and they're definitely not division one....

When I got home from the outing, I was met at the door by my Spartan father, excited as anything that his rivals had been defeated so embarrassingly, and shocked that I had been witness to something so spectacular--the biggest first-game overturn in history, the tragic take-down of a Big Ten giant.

pete

2007-08-28T14:10:00.000-04:00

Lately, things here have been a little hectic, but are also progressing as I have appointments with people about my ministry and continue to build my team of partners. I passed the 20% mark last week, and I'm hoping to continue to see that trend over the next few months. At this rate, I should be done with my initial MPD by Christmas.

In other news... when I returned from Colorado, Grace had rescued a bunch of kittens and was in the process of finding them homes (and that means, of course, that the entire family got to help take care of said kittens). In this case, as in so many prior, the kittens were sick and needed to be medicated frequently, which is not a particularly pleasant experience, but really isn't all that bad for pros like us. ;)

One of the kits had the tragic experience of losing its eye: it had such a bad infection that (despite the medical treatment) its cornea ruptured, which in turn nearly caused its eyeball to rupture as well, and (therefore) the only logical and humane thing to do was to have its eye removed entirely. The emergency (vet) medical clinic Grace worked at over the summer was kind enough to do the procedure for free, provided the sweet little guy had a home to go to after the surgery, so...

I'VE GOT A NEW KITTEN!

This doesn't provide a terrible problem, but is a little tricky seeing how I don't have a home of my own yet. Still, he's been happy as anything to play out in the barn or on the porch with the other kittens, and is especially glad now that his eye has healed and his stitches have been removed. Until that point, my poor kitty had to wear a cone around his neck to prevent him from scratching. What a sight!

And, of course, he now has a name: Pete (not "Peat," like moss). Easy enough, and lots of fun nicknames can be had. I don't think I have any actual pics of him that are accessible, but I did take a few on my phone cam, so if you're exceptionally curious of how he looks, I can text it to you.

back to the drawing board...

2007-08-18T13:00:00.000-04:00

Well, after a practically post-less summer in Colorado, I'm back in Michigan working on developing my team of ministry partners. I'll probably give a few updates here and there about my percentages, but it'll most likely take a month or two before I really know how close I am currently, since I'm meeting with people who've been on my team (before) to confirm their support and catch up with them (and that takes time...). At present, I'm officially around 9% of my support, but there are still many-a-person to confirm with, and a decent number of these are faithful givers.

This week in particular has been a sort of whirlwind; I travelled up to the UP for a couple of days in the beginning of the week, and now I'm in Grand Rapids (both to meet with ministry partners). I'll be back "home" (my parents' house, so not even my own place, really) tomorrow sometime, and hit the appointment trail again there Monday.

Please pray for me! I love my job, and I love meeting with my partners to share with them what God has been doing through our ministry together, but I also can succumb to fearfulness in the process, trying to take control from God and hoping to just be done ASAP instead of trusting His timing.

One of the biggest (and most difficult, but most important) tasks I have to focus on now is gaining more contacts--more people I can call and share with about our ministry. Statistically, it'll take about 1000 people called for me to get my 200+ appointments that will turn into X amount of dollars and however many partners. Simply put, I don't know 1000 people, let alone 1000 families/couples/people to contact!

Please pray:
**I would believe God and trust Him faithfully through the whole process of developing my ministry team so I can report to my new assignment--the University of Toledo.
**My current partners would be willing to share contacts with me--people they know and would ask to partner with them if they were in my place (these don't need to be wealthy, sure-to-give people, just people who would be encouraged to hear about what God is doing in the lives of college students!).
**I would continue to walk solidly with God, growing in my relationship with Him.

beat it, your body, that is

2007-05-09T14:37:00.000-04:00

Well, time has passed, and I still am adhering to the training program I set up for myself, and (as far as I can tell) I think I will be ready for my 5K before I head out to Colorado. I did all of my walk/run intervals on the first level, and today I increased my run time by 4 min total. After two more of these run sessions I'll increase again. :) I'm becoming a runner!

All I can say is that it's about time! I can already tell that the intervals are getting easier and easier. Even doubling the run time intervals today was not that bad... I was definitely more tired after the whole session, but I could've done more, and that feeling KICKS BUTT.

My mom and I have been going together: she's my timer, and that also holds her accountable to get in some serious walk-time every day like she needs to (oh, the heart trouble on that side of the family!!!). The real test, of course, will be when I'm not at home or with someone to train with, but I don't anticipate that time coming until the beginning of June (Jewels' wedding), and by then I hope I'll have my routine down enough to do it on my own.

and the lakes have it!

2007-05-02T12:06:00.000-04:00

If you seek a pleasant peninsula... come to visit me, because I'm back in Michigan!

As frequently as I've thought that Michigan is a boring state to live in, I realize now that I'd never lived somewhere less diverse and exciting. Michigan really is a super place to live... the lakes on their own are a superior quality (no pun intended). I love that a few minutes' drive brings me to something so completely beyond my power and comprehension, so entirely wrought by God Himself, and also so perfectly controlled and regulated by Him as to be maintained and enjoyed, but also remain unpredictable by us humans.

I love how the lakes are God's wonderful provision for us--they are a source of recreation, food, water, pleasure, employment.... I love how when I think of HOME(s), that's one of the first things that comes to mind.

By the water's edge is a favorite place to meet with God, and (at last!) I can do so once again without the smell of sewage at the nearby water treatment plant (for those of you who don't know, I lived down by the Wabash River in Lafayette very near to that smelly place)!

There is such comfort of knowing a place well, of owning it or having it internalized in you, and I feel like this whole state provides that kind of sweet familiarity for me. Regardless of where within it I may be, I feel like I'm home.

I've recently been studying in the Bible about the inheritance laws and provision for the land God implemented in the Law, and I feel like I have a much deeper understanding of why the nation of Israel is so bound to their land. They have been led there by God Himself, and commanded not to ever sell it permanently, to redeem it for their relatives who have fallen upon hard times, to care for it because it belongs to the Lord.

This land is their only home, Jews are sojourners in foreign lands when they're anywhere else. Somehow, on a small level, I relate to them in this understanding of home--Michigan, My Michigan.

could've been me

2007-04-25T14:00:00.000-04:00

So... today I impulsively bid on a cheap i-pod on e-bay. I've never done that before, I mean, I've never really bid on anything before, let alone an i-pod, but it was only $35 (the old clunky kind, but still an i-pod, so fabulous, right?), so I let loose and bid.

The auction was closing in something like 20 min, so I waited with piqued anticipation as I watched the bidding... I had it at about $43, and nobody else was making a move... then I got scared. What if I actually WON? Then I'd have to buy it. I wasn't sure that was what I really wanted, so I started to secretly hope someone would show up in the last 14 min and bid and bid a lot.

And that's precisely what happened. Somebody bid it up to $50+, so I was off the hook and I think they now have a confirmed win on that i-pod (which I noticed after bidding, comes with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING--no charger cord, no manual, no... well, anything).

***

I think it's often in my life that I take a little step in a direction, and then am terrified of what I've done. Can't it be undone? Can't I change my mind? Won't somebody please bail me out of my impulsive or foolish decisions?

It's all too common in my life to think and behave this way, and it's really annoying! If I am a calculated person (like I think I am), why do I lack discipline so much in areas of my life where stepping out in faith is such a fearful experience? I think I need to discipline myself to embrace the fear and go for it... I need to make conscious efforts to put myself into terrifying situations that stretch my comfort zone so I can prove to myself that I can hack it, and thereby make my comfort zone a little bigger.

I am going to begin stretching myself.

this time, i mean it!

2007-04-24T23:01:00.000-04:00

If you are a faithful reader of this blog, you will recall when (last fall) I started running with my roommate, Mindy. Life was supposed to be different, I was going to be a runner.

Well, guess what? I'm not. I currently still stink at it, and it's all because we let our desire to run be trampled by a herd of nasty laziness. Those buggers are pretty good at trampling things.

I've been thinking for nearly this whole time how crappy it is that I'm not a runner. I really want to be a runner, but the part I stink at is simply... the running part. Anyhow, Mindy and I are giving it another go, but using some weekly plans I found online, which have us start from ground zero: walking. So far, the end of day 1, we are totally on-track, and feeling great. :) Tomorrow we go for round 2, then a day off, then some more Friday. Sunday we start the REAL DEAL and beginning the running/walking intervals (week 1 is just endurance walking).

Now, of course, if I'm going to be serious about this, and I plan on that, I decided I need to make more than just a mental/verbal commitment to do it. Especially since I'm moving home to Michigan soon, I feel a need to invest in this by putting my money where my mouth is, and that means I'm signing up for a 5K race. In the next couple of days I'm going to pick my race, pay my money, and start to really own this. I will be a runner.

the end of the world as we know it?

2007-04-16T22:46:00.000-04:00

I've been reflecting a lot lately on the world, the goings on within it, and the attitude about said goings on possessed by people around the world. I think it's fair to say that things are not as they used to be, and yet remain the same. Why the paradoxical statement?

Simply put, we see changes in nearly every aspect of our daily lives as we move through the technological advances of the current age and the newness of adjusting our living to meet with those standards, while remaining essentially the same, with the sameness of our desires, values (to an extent, more on this later), habits, and general ideologies. We change as the world changes, but despite all of the change, we're essentially the same. (Consider the rest in the context of the American lifestyle and cultural belief system. I don't claim to know about much more than that.)

It's crazy to imagine a "simpler time" as many consider any time before the present. In our nostalgic reminiscing, we even categorize the WWII era as "simpler". Why? People were still being killed daily, genocide was still an enemy we thought heinous enough to wage war against. People still engaged in both the good and the bad, and still longed for something even better. And what about the classic pioneering era of the 1800s? Those really were simpler, weren't they? After all, they had no televisions, no credit cards, no 401ks to worry about.... I still wonder, though, how simple these times were. Most of us (or maybe even all of us) would not find it easy to tend to a herd of cattle, to milk cows by hand at 5 a.m., to travel across thousands of miles in a covered wagon without roads to smooth out the bumpy terrain. I'd venture to say that most of us would not be lounging on a sofa if we had, in fact, lived in that era, and if nothing else, would know even more than at present, the value of hard work, self-sacrifice (and do we really know anything about this at all?), and endurance.

Mourning probably is the best course of action when considering what our society has come to:

indulgence of every kind (materialism, gluttony, sloth, sexual immorality, adultery)
absence of compassion, mercy
feeling of superiority, apathy regarding others' pain/suffering
devaluation of human life ("justified" murder, apathy when faced with blatant genocide, war for its own sake...)
pride of tremendous proportions
consumerism--take whatever I want because I deserve it, accrue debts I cannot pay because need things, hoarding what I still have for myself
miserly attitude v. generous one
self-righteous attitude toward others and rest of the world

It is very sad, indeed.

like a dog chasing its tail

2007-03-22T18:15:00.000-04:00

Today, Ruth and I decided to try the new Solarium resource in sharing our faith. To clarify a bit: this is a new initiative to engage students in spiritual conversations by first doing a study with them on how students would describe their lives through a series of images.

So, we thought, Let's give it a shot, and we'll know this is a learning experience. I can't vouch for Ruth, but I did not expect something world-shaking. I simply wanted my disciple to get the gist of how the tool works, and try to transition into a deeper conversation after we finished the five study questions.

GOLLY! What we got was definitely more than I'd bargained for! The girl we spoke with in the dorm absolutely loved sharing with us about her thoughts, beliefs, background, and responses to the five questions, and it was very easy to continue to talk with her and ask more questions. She was one of the most willing students I'd ever met in the United States.

Sadly, though, after we'd talked for nearly TWO HOURS, and after having shared the gospel message many times, as well as confronting her wrong world view that "all religions that believe in a god and in moral living are right," I wonder if she has been shaken from her wrong ideas at all.

At one point, I felt compelled to simply explain that God's plan was KNOWING HER. That's it. I was pretty clear (I think) that He only wanted to be in relationship with her, not for her to do good things. I even went so far as to say that God planned every detail from the beginning of time to lead up to now, to orchestrate her knowing all that she does, and for her to meet Ruth and me. I told her all of history, Columbus sailing to America, the moon being put into its orbit; it all was done out of God's great love for her.

And that's the only thing that makes Jesus' death worthwhile.

Because the whole history of time has been leading up until the moment I am in relationship with God fully, Jesus was willing to die for me. Why else would He give up Heaven to come to earth? Why else would He give up His reputation, His wealth and power, His own life? Why else would He do God's will and not His own on the day of His accusation and crucifixion?

After two hours, I think my own heart better understood the depth of God's love for this girl who sadly is lumping Him with lesser and pathetic idols.

So often, I am she.

"what about the honor and glory of winning?"

2007-01-07T16:00:00.000-05:00

My quote up there is from Dancing Shoes by Noel Streatfeild, definitely a children's book of superior quality. I really have enjoyed reading her books over the past few years, this one is in the same stream as the others, but I'd have to admit that my all-time favorite "shoe book" is undoubtedly Ballet Shoes, most likely because there are three such unique and different sisters. I definitely enjoy those Fossils.

My post wasn't really about a children's book, though....

As everyone does, I have some kind of future that will inevitably kick itself into action and then end in some kind of eternity. Thankfully, the eternal part is nothing to worry about anymore (hurray for Jesus!), but I hate to admit that I do often wonder/worry/anticipate/analyze the part of my future between now and THEN.

Considering that it seems chapter after chapter of familiarity in my life is concluding, pressing me to pioneer and persevere through much more than I think I would've expected of myself a few short years ago, I thought it fitting to blog a little about the process, the pleading, and the (to alliterate well) persuasion involved.

First, the process. That in and of itself (sadly) leads to the pleading. I am entirely too analytical when it comes to my own life (I think that when it comes to others' lives, though, I may not analyze enough, and usually tend to "go with my gut"). I am indecisive (anyone surprised?). I push things off, procrastinating until the pressure-time is NOW, and I need to hurriedly decide my course in the next few hours.

Pleasant? I think otherwise.

Still, this process has seemingly "worked" for the majority (or at least plurality) of my life, and I haven't falled off of any cliffs (jumping is different), have not ended up in any egregious predicaments, and have managed to keep all of my limbs and still have the ability to add small sums in my head.

So after too many pro-con lists, interesting discussions with God, myself and other people (who ALL have the answer, right?), I fall into the pleading stage. I simply plead with myself, 'Just make a decision!' I argue back that God hasn't affirmed any of the choices yet.... And then, both sides of my argument with myself turn to God and plead with Him for an answer... ANY answer. "Just end the pain of waiting!" we cry.

...still nothing.

Eventually, something happens. I cannot say really what something is, but it's simply something. And then I have been persuaded. Ususally the something isn't much, but it's enough, and off I go to do whatever it is I've been persuaded to do.

And then another situation arises... maybe a situation where I have interned with CCC for two years and cannot be an intern any longer. Maybe in the situation I need to make a choice and there are many options. Maybe I can join staff, maybe I can move to Timbuktu and work in a coffee shop that also sells elephant tusks pilfered from poachers, maybe I can get a 'real job' using my degree to bring joy (or pain) to many by writing manuals for some company somewhere.

Maybe I would rather not make a decision. That's the most likely maybe of them all.

:::please pray:::

there were only two people at my action group tonight.

2006-10-23T23:17:00.000-04:00

If you search google images for "There were only two people at my action group tonight," this is the only image that comes up. Weird, but have you ever played that kind of saerch engine game TRYING to get only one response? I, displaying true SP personality tendencies, have accidentally stumbled across perfection once again. ;)

Despite a lack of #s tonight, though, we saw God move today in my dorm, bringing a girl to trust Him with her life, surrendering it to Christ for the first time! Praise God for how He lovingly led Ashley to Himself today!

war!

2006-10-16T18:14:00.000-04:00

There is a not-so-nice, neighborhood woodpecker who has decided to peck away at our house lately. We currently have a couple of small holes on one corner. THIS IS WAR!

This weekend I went out and got some woodpecker-deterring stuff, but am waiting to find a ladder I can hang it all with.... Any suggestions on how to rid my house of our little buddy? I'm all ears...!

I'll keep you all posted as this war progresses. Hopefully the girls and I will put up a good defense and Woody will move away.

we're going to the world series!!!

2006-10-15T02:20:00.000-04:00

GO TIGERS!!!

Yes, the Tigers are going back to kick some World Series butt--whose, we don't know quite yet. Go get 'em, Tigers!

some feminist queries

2006-10-03T00:29:00.000-04:00

So I have some feminist thoughts running through my head sometimes... and tonight I decided to get some feedback by posting a few of the "feminist" ideas I found on other sites.

I think for most people who know me remotely well, this isn't a shock, but I suppose for the few who read this and aren't aware of my She-Ra mentality... surprise?!?

I definitely would like feedback on people's thoughts about feminist thought and an answer to the question, what does feminism in the 21st century look like? I'm curious to know what people think about that.

***
For the record, although I definitely have no qualms about men fixing and doing stuff for me, I feel entirely capable to change my own oil, unplug my own toilet, replace my own light fixture, or kill my own pests. My momma taught me well.

take me out to the (other) ball game

2006-09-26T21:57:00.000-04:00

Kim and I got some really great tickets this weekend to the Purdue homecoming game. Thank you, G.E. (and no, that does not stand for "General Electric")! There were definitely some people with large bottom halves that took up a lot of space on the bleacher seats, but all-in-all, it was a super experience, and we had a really awesome time! Purdue CRUSHED the competition (University of Minnesota) 27-21.

Boiler up!!!

a quick rundown

2006-09-22T00:52:00.000-04:00

Here's my last week in speed-mode:

Baked a zillion coffee cakes.
Went to Chicago spent the night and drove back in 12 hours. AND SAW ANNA!
Met some new people at church.
Had a great discussion at AG.
Called students to do surveys. (x a lot!!!)
Watched the season primeir of America's Next Top Model.
Cut more squares for my quilt.
Got some through-a-long-chain-of-people football tickets for the homecoming game.
Did the most varied-pace aerobics of my life.
Talked to Pepper!!!
Drank some coffee.
Tore it up studying I John.

I don't know what else I did this week worthy of note. My life is often a little boring. Still, I did spontaneously go visit Stenvig, and for that I'm proud. I'm not as boring as some may assume....

***Disclaimer: if the tooth fairy and Santa still come to your house, read on at your own risk.***

The drawing is not one of my own, sadly. It's a self-portrait of Rebecca Sharp from Florida. She's 10, and when I searched Google images for "talked to Pepper," hers was one of the images that made the first page. Her cat is named Pepper. That's a little different than a sister, but interesting, nonetheless. Also, I noticed she believes in Jesus, the tooth fairy, Santa and the Easter Bunny. Something tells me that this little girl needs to know that these four are not really all on level playing field. I mean, for one, the tooth fairy works every night, not just once a year, and of course, Jesus is the one who is actually real.

not quite what i bargained for

2006-09-15T23:29:00.000-04:00

Tonight while at the shed-burning party at "The Country Club," I got into a conversation about puggles--this hybrid dog (beagle and pug). They're pretty darn cute, or so I heard, so when I got home, I thought I'd google an image and see what these puppies actually look like.

This pic is what I got (in addition to pictures of the puppies). Also called a "puggle," this is a pic of a baby platypus. I think it's MUCH cuter than a puppy.

if a body catch a body...

2006-09-10T23:17:00.000-04:00

"But what I mean is, lots of time you don’t know what interests you most till you start talking about something that doesn’t interest you most." ~Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye

I finished reading The Catcher in the Rye this afternoon after having owned it since high school. As I'm sure most high school students have, I'd heard a lot about the book--it being a classic and all--but never actually read it or knew much about it. It's everything and nothing I expected.

I had heard (somehow) what the end was, but the whole time I read the book I kept wondering to myself, Was that really The Catcher in the Rye and not some other book? It wasn't until I read the last chapter that I knew for sure.

Mrs. Kim ;) and I were talking about it tonight before we watched some of the Colts game... I think I am not a detail person when it comes to reading literature, even though I'm (apparently, according to standardized testing) top-notch at comprehension. I didn't have any idea Jake was impotent, for example (The Sun Also Rises). Anyhow, I feel like there must be some deeper stuff than what I am getting from TCITR, but what it might be, I have no idea. I've checked out some online commentaries, but anyone who has any thoughts on the book should share them with me!

This pic is from Diana Bryan. Check out her stuff.

about today

2006-09-09T22:25:00.000-04:00

My body is getting some serious training lately. Kim and I have been kickin' it up in aerobics at the co-rec, and today Mindy and I went running to explore our subdivision. I think I should grow to like running, but that'll most likely take a long time to do. As for today, though, my few minute bursts were a good start. I'm hoping I'll be able to continue to discipline myself in this area... I am basically a huge baby when it comes to running. I'd much rather do any other kind of exercise than actually run. Mindy's a good pusher, though, so if we continue to go together, this could be the beginning of a lovely workout routine. :)

This pic is from the first Bethlehem Road Race in 2003. I think these little kids probably enjoy it more than me at this point.

i want to be your feet...

2006-09-07T21:15:00.000-04:00

Today was one of those entirely exhausting days, but I feel like it was not purposeless exhaustion. Actually, important decisions were made, exercise was done, people were met, contacts were gathered, the Word was studied, and the Lord was glorified. It was an entirely good kind of exhaustion-producing day. :)

I enjoy that such a day is a possibility. I feel like I've done a good job and it actually means something.

* * *

Tomorrow is another day for raising support in my little world. I need to get out the letters I printed last week, and also buy a new ink cartridge (sadly). I am exceedingly thankful for four solid hours to work on printing letters, getting things done, and basically, doing the support-stuff I don't have time to do during the week. Once these get sent, I'll have people to call next week! Yay!

* * *

If you've ever seen me post-workout, you notice I'm very red. I don't know why I flush so easily (it's simply heat-induced, I think, since I get that way whenever I'm hot at all...), but I noticed today that my post-flush look is very pale, except for my cheeks. It's a little weird, but not creepily so.

* * *

For the record (and the all-important citation of others' work, because I definitely value that), this pic is called, "Feet of the Campesino" by Ken Light. Impressive, eh?

almost un-boxed

2006-09-05T19:39:00.000-04:00

This Labor Day weekend was spent with my parents (36 hours of fun)--moving the rest of my stuff from Kim's to my place, and working on unpacking the many boxes I had stored there. I have so many books! Not that I'm surprised by their sheer quantity, but my mother definitely was shocked to open box after box of them (right, Mom?).

I had a goal of getting things unpacked during the weekend, but that didn't happen, so I'm gradually putting things away day by day... I'm hoping that everything will finally have its own place by this weekend. There aren't really that many more boxes to put away... it's those silly little odds and ends that need homes at this point.

On campus, things seem to be going slow, but hopefully will be picking up after getting the dinnerline surveys (!) tonight and tomorrow! I've definitely been anxious to get my hands on some serious contacts, so this will be great! :)

* * *

Also noteworthy is the fact that Fridays have kinda become my support-raising days. Last week I spent four hours getting some support stuff done (and I need to get those letters in the mail ASAP!). Hopefully the trend of accomplished and fervent working will continue and even increase. I really want to have solid support and be done with the letter-writing campaign, but moreso, I really want to be able to spend all afternoon on campus each Friday. Still, if I have to be off-campus for a bit, this is definitely the way I like it. It breaks up my week a little (some diversity in what I do), and doesn't take me away from working with students that much.

* * *

Just for fun, here's a pic from my trip with Melinda after the end of the project in Germany. I'm eating herring in Sverige! Min Svensk farfar skulle bli så stolt!

yes, i'm a copy-cat

2006-08-27T16:18:00.000-04:00

I know few people read this, my awesome blogspot, but I'm going to press on with this idea anyhow. My uber-cool friend, Racie, recently posted about Johari windows on her blog and found a create-your-own site to develop one for herself. In the (flattering?) spirit of imitation, I have decided to follow suit and let you all participate in making one of my own. It only takes a couple of minutes to do, so if you're one of the few who check this out, please take the time....

on another, completely different, note...

I've been baking like a crazed person for the last two days, and I think I would make an excellent chef, given proper training and tools. I guess, more importantly, the discovery I made was that I really like to cook! I had a hunch about this, but now it has been confirmed through scientific method-style testing, and I think my hypothesis can now safely become a theory that will likely stand additional replications and become a law. I feel like MTU should plant me a tree next to Melvin Calvin's. I think the best part of this discovery is that I now have a hobby in which to invest my time. I absolutely love that, and this is a grand hobby, because I get to treat people to some fun--and non-traditionally-college-student--cuisine. Still, I'm the only one who's tried my cookin' thus far, so after my action group gals try the dessert I made, I'll let you know if it's edible.

I'm taking unique, healthy and colorful recipies... please share!

wired!

2006-08-26T16:58:00.000-04:00

I have internet at my house AT LAST! Our wireless network isn't up and running yet, but we can all take turns plugging into the network, so this is oodles of times better than lugging my work & life to the cafe everytime I need to do anything.

Bravo!

a cowboy's work is never done

2006-08-23T23:37:00.000-04:00

That was for all you Sonny & Cher fans.

I am one busy gal, which means I shouldn't be posting on the blog, but it's my only vegging out time tonight at the cafe, so one takes what she can get. Tomorrow is a big day in the history of my ministry, as well as Purdue's. We're attempting to expand beyond our campus borders and launch a new movement of college students to seek after Christ and share their faith on another nearby campus... Ivy Tech State College of Lafayette.

I'm the staff person who has the most experience with such a ministry since I was involved in a "staff-less" movement (also called "catalytic" in CCC terms) as a student at Michigan Tech, so I have been planning since April for tomorrow--THE BIG DAY.

We will be gauging the student interest on campus tomorrow by passing out "freshman survival kits," doing some interest surveys, and trying to hold a small meeting of interested students during the day. Tomorrow night, we'll call EVERY contact we got during the day inviting them to our (Purdue's) big "callout" (first kick-off meeting). From there, the goal is to find key leaders from Ivy Tech to lead a Bible study on campus, be trained by our staff & students, and lead a movement at Ivy Tech! :)

Please pray for tomorrow:

That students would be excited about getting involved in a campus ministry at Ivy Tech.
That the logistics run smoothly... this has been a long time in planning, but there are always last-minute surprises!
That God would raise up kep leaders at Ivy Tech--people of peace who will be effective in our attempt to reach this new campus with the gospel.
That I will survive the day! I have been running on an empty tank lately, and it'll take the Lord alone to keep me upbeat (and awake) all day while I'm meeting new students and telling them about our ministry.

FYI: If you've tried to call, email, or reach me in any other such way lately, I'm not ignoring you. I promise. It'll be a few more days before I'll breathe, sleep, and get back with you. Thank you for your patience during this uber-busy time of year!

boiler up!

2006-08-21T17:16:00.000-04:00

Yes, you can assume as the heading suggests, that I am back in West Lafayette and at it again on Purdue's campus. I still don't have all of my support (so this is not a usual case...), but the beginning of the year is SO important, and I will be having some extra time here-and-there to work on MPD (says Maureen).

Some interesting changes have occurred that I wasn't expecting.

I am no longer working in Meredith Hall.
I am now working in Harrison Hall.
I am no longer leading a cell group.
I am now leading an action group.
I have 10 girls to disciple.
My housing situation is very different than I expected.
Chipotle and Qdoba are coming to town.
My hairdryer is still in Michigan.
Still no bike. :(
Also no internet at my place (yet). :( :( :(
There are a lot of students who want to tear it up with ministry to internationals. :)

I could go on, but I won't. Kim and I are working on our prayer letters, so if you're waiting for the next one, it will be arriving shortly. Tonight I send it for printing, and it'll be in the mail by Friday or Saturday.

For those curious ones...
The pic is of me with my homegirl, Kristin, on the strassenbahn in Freiburg!

oh michigan, my michigan

2006-08-13T15:07:00.000-04:00

Still in Michigan, and life is a little less exciting here than it seems to be elsewhere. I worked on cleaning my room yesterday (yes, that statement is just as full of disdain as it would've been when I was eight years old). WHOOOEEE!

I also ran into an old friend from high school (I didn't find her in the midst of my messy room, though)... it was a little weird, but not creepy. It really feels like high school happened 100 years ago or in another lifetime or something. I can recall some things, but overall, it's a little blurry.

I noticed while talking to Grace yesterday that I also forget some details about myself from time to time. For example, I played basketball on a travelling team when I was a kid. Somehow, I completely forgot about that until yesterday afternoon. Odd.

God bless the u.s.a.

2006-08-07T13:34:00.000-04:00

I AM BACK!!!

Yes, that's right, I'm back from Germany, and what a wonderful/ crazy 7 weeks it's been! You can check out my other blogspot to read a little about the experience, but go ahead and drop me a line or call if you want some real details. :)

Being back means a few things:

I can now get free refills at restaurants AND get ice in my drinks!
English will always work.
No more Strassenbahn fun. :( (And now I can't even spell it right....)
Time for support-raising!

#4 is probably the one of critical importance right now since school begins soon and my report date is even sooner. I'm now at 85%, though, since I don't have to raise money for insurance through CCC for this year. Surprisingly, I have had my parents' policy all of this time, and should have just opted out of it last year! That saves me a few hundred dollars' worth of monthly support, so HURRAH! :) I now only have a few hundred dollars of monthly support to go.

Pray a lot. I really want to be done by Aug. 16.

P.S.-- This pic is from the street in Freiburg. In memory of all those that died during the Holocaust during WWII, bronze cobblestones have been placed all over Europe in front of the houses where the people had lived. This is just a bit of one site's stones... there was a whole family here that died--two grandparents, two parents, and three children.

i have about 15 euro

2006-06-08T22:15:00.000-04:00

This fun pic is the product of a fun Sunday afternoon of making my sisters let me photograph them all around our house. Isn't Krys a cutie?

I was hunting through my room and its contents prepping for Germany, and I came across a bag of foreign money from my travels abroad. Inside were many pesatas (the now no-more currency of Espana), some random other coins, and about 15 euro. Hahaha! I feel like a wealthy landowner, minus the land. Hot dog!

Along the same vein, the getting ready for Germany process is coming along pretty well. I'm beginning to wonder how I thought this pack would be too big, though. I need to flex my geometric muscle and make this stuff fit! ;) I have some sweet surprises in there, though, and some new gear to break in... yeah!

This is completely different:
I got a really random call from an old friend today. On a scale of expectation (from 1 to 100, higher meaning more expectation), I think the thought that he'd call me this afternoon was something like a 14. It wasn't high, that's for sure. It's weird how my life goes.

i live in slackersville

2006-06-04T09:57:00.000-04:00

Yes, that's the name of my metaphoric town. And I am mayor. I need to get myself doing something... anything, really. Friday, I spent a few hours reading childrens' books at Borders, and a little while shooting photos at the park. A few days last week found Grace and I practicing our sharp-shooter skills out back, but tin cans just aren't as exciting as skeet. Other than that, my life here is pretty dull.

sometimes my life is like a dream...

2006-05-29T22:56:00.000-04:00

I was reflecting a little tonight on how my life has gone up until this point. If my eight-year-old self could see me, would she be proud? Would she be excited for all of the things that she'd experience from her ninth birthday on?

Of course, I haven't really stuck to my own plans as a child, adolescent, or even young adult, but I think I'd be pretty stoked for what I've gotten to do and see in the most recent 15 years of life. Just thinking about what I'm prepping for now has blown my eight-year-old mind. A whole summer in Germany?!?!? I am SO COOL when I grow up! ;)

As I'm sure most people would attest regarding their own lives, there are in mine the unavoidable faults and failures that lurk in dark corners ready to jump out and frighten away the hope of a child that her future would be full of adventure and beautiful mystery. Still, though, I can only imagine showing myself a real yukata from Japan or photos of myself on the Eiffel Tower, or telling the stories of exciting (and forbidden?) late-night adventures in the wild U.P. (I think my young self would be excited just to know I'd even been to the U.P.!).

sigh!

There are often times when I wonder if I've been mistaken in my own direction. Was it a mistake to discard my 10-year plan? Today, I don't feel that way, though. I think it's been wonderful so far... and there are always runaway ramps if I lose control! ;)

Question of the day: If your eight-year-old self met you now, what would he or she be impressed by the most?

and tomorrow... i regress

2006-05-23T23:23:00.000-04:00

It's definitely been awhile since the internet and I have connected--a week, to be specific. It's odd how much your inbox can pile up in that short period, and also odd how many new people decided they wanted to be my facebook buddies. That is not really a very common occurrance now that I'm out of college.

No pic today... I'm on Grace's computer, and therefore my photos are not with me.

Tomorrow and Thursday, I'll be back in kindergarten. I think it may be my favorite grade to sub in (children still young enough to fear their teacher's authority, even if it is a sub), and it's just plain fun. I recall fond memories from kindergarten, but also the tragic: having to sit next to Michael S., Matt kissing Kathy on the bus (SOOOO gross!), not getting to learn the letter people (dumb experimental learning programs). All in all, though, I give two hearty thumbs up for the half-day of wonder.

God bless the U.S.A.?

2006-05-18T21:03:00.000-04:00

I subbed for a third grade class for half of today. It sounds so easy, but children can be WILD!

I think the highlight of my teaching time today was explaining what a quatrain was, and teaching the students the rhyming patterns they could use for the patriotic poems they were assigned to write.

As for patriotism, eight and nine-year-olds do not understand freedom, liberty or any of the other concepts that have become key patriotic lingo in the U.S. Reading their poems was like reading a paper I would write about caring for typewriters in the desert... completely obvious that the writer has no clue what's going on. Freedom is nice, just doesn't really mean much, you know? (Not to dog third graders, but I am disappointed that these concepts don't mean anything to them....)

I made a point to talk about what freedom really means in class today. Education, speech, opinion, action. We talked about slavery and oppression, which I think is something they understood a little, and the oppression most people were seeking to leave behind when coming to the United States (and this is still true today). We talked about the Statue of Liberty and what it meant to people as a symbol of their freedom and hope for a better future. I wished for a little while that I could've been the teacher of these students and could've given them lengthy assignments about these ideals that are so pivotal to our Americanism.

I think I'll write my own quatrain tonight.

ok, i just HAD to post this!

2006-05-15T14:20:00.000-04:00

I just uploaded a bunch of photos off my dad's digital camera, and just had to post this photo. It's my Grandpa in his new letter-sweater. In case you missed the story, check it out on my xanga

at it again

2006-05-15T13:31:00.000-04:00

The last week has been FULL of travel. I've come home from Indiana (Monday night), and driven to and from Laurinburg, NC to get my sister, Grace, from college (four days of driving...).

All the driving was pretty fun, though. I guess I'm a lot like my own pets who love to get to ride in the car... I just LOVE road trips! Mom and I made a point to attempt to see some things and do some things on our way down to NC, but our direct route was pretty crappy for scenic and exciting things to do and see.

We did, however, 1) take a little "byway" in Virginia and got to see an historic house of one of our founding fathers, 2) got a free ice cream at a really beautiful scenic lookout point, and 3) took a little tour around the town that inspired Mayberry on the Andy Griffith Show, Mount Airy, NC.

This pic is of my foot... (if you didn't already figure that out) on our way through Ohio during the onset of a storm. I was a little bored. Still, I think I enjoy looking at the awkwardness of the whole thing, so I thought I'd share it. :)

P.S. I am a big fan of the Ginger Peach tea at Panera. It's not fancy CR stuff, but it'll do for now, and then the GERMAN TEA! LESS THAN ONE MONTH!

re-learning how to count... i svenskt!

2006-05-08T00:32:00.000-04:00

I'm doing some research for the novel and got to re-learn my long-lost Svenskt counting skills.

Here's 1-10:
Ett! Två! Tre! Fyra! Fem! Sex! Sju! Åtta! Nio! Tio!

Pronounciations are harder than I remember when I was a kid... and the online guides I was listening to just don't sound like Grandpa. Who to go with? I suppose it doesn't really matter how I pronounce them, though, since novels are read, not an oral dissertation. Sometimes, though, I wish everyone who reads my stuff reads it as I do. I would love to read it to them with the proper inflections and some beefy storytelling skills. I don't know if I could bear someone butchering the parts I love.

In the spirit of posting more pictures rather than less, I thought these six eggs from my mother country would be inspiring to a new generation of Swedes. Am I right?

home sweet home... i never leave this place!

2006-05-06T14:30:00.000-04:00

This is a photo of my door I took on Valentine's Day (yeah, I loOove my place!). Soon, I won't live here anymore, and some boys will inhabit my room. Their couch is moving in this afternoon, so I'm tidying up the current mess (which isn't that bad, since most of my stuff is already gone) to welcome the sofa.

Other than that, I've been lounging, reading (a lot), orchestrating things I don't have anything to do with, and generally procrastinating the things I know I should be doing right now. Tada!

i have two sisters, too

2006-05-05T12:44:00.000-04:00

One of these little girls is named Bernice. That's all I know.

If I were naming them all, though, I'd definitely name the little one, Helen. I think the middle one is probably Bernice, for some reason, but if I were giving her another name altogether... hmm... Joanie? And the eldest... something dreadful, I think. Perhaps... Gladys. Or Myrtle.

I have two sisters, too... and although we have no pictures like this one, I can see a glimpse of us as children here. Annie, Rachel and Helen, our storybook selves.

for jonny: An attempt at wisdom…Self-Denial

2006-05-05T10:55:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty sure I need to preface this post, so here goes.... After reading Jonny's post, I felt the need to share the thoughts I recorded after talking with Anna earlier this semester (actually, this has been quite a hot topic in our conversation lately). This actually only hits on Jonny's topic a little, but focuses more on what we should be focusing on rather than being obsessed with gratifying our own desires and passions. Bon appetite!

Matthew 16:24—Then Jesus told His disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

What does denial of self really mean? What does it look like? Christ calls us to deny ourselves, pick up our crosses, forsake all, and follow Him. How do we obey this call?

Denying yourself means not simply relying on our “passions” to determine our paths…not just doing what we like, or what “feels right”. Instead, it requires a willingness to sacrifice ALL—“passions,” money, time, comfort—for the sake of Christ. This means crucifying our desires with Him if necessary.

Self-denial means that we don’t always do the thing we like. It means we don’t always spend all of our time with our girlfriend or boyfriend. It means we don’t always dedicate ourselves to our studies 60 hours a week to get all A’s. It means we don’t always go hang out with our buddies and party. It also means sometimes we do things that aren’t our favorite things, things that are hard or uncomfortable. We get up at 6 a.m. before class to have a quiet time, even though we didn’t get a lot of sleep that night. We share our faith, even when we don’t “feel like it”. We give up comfort, wealth, or security to be a pioneer for Christ.

To deny ourselves, we make a conscious choice to resist our selfishness and self-centeredness and follow Christ instead. We give up the good for the best.

In doing this, we need to see ourselves in truth. We need to ask God to show us what the truth really is, asking: how am I being selfish? What drives my decisions? What ARE my desires? How am I responding to them or being influenced by them? Upon understanding the truth about our motives, we must repent of our failure to deny self, and choose to serve God (alongside Christ) instead.

When Christ called people to follow Him, they were required to leave everything to do so: their boats, nets, occupations (Luke 5:11, Matt. 9:9)…their families and obligations (Luke 9:57-62)…anything and everything of value or cost was to be given up for the sake of the call of Christ. What are you clinging to that needs to be left behind in order to follow after Christ? What are you saying, “First, I must do…” before you follow Him? To what have you told Christ, “Anything…but THAT…”?

colin's got IT

2006-05-04T17:52:00.000-04:00

Today my computer decided to freak out and tell me that it couldn't recognize the hard drive, and there was no operating system. Naturally, I freaked out, too. There's a whole lot of stuff on here that I am in no hurry to lose to reformatting crises. Anyhow, I instinctively called Colin. By day he's an average college student, plugging away at his engineering. By night, however (and sometimes by day as well), he morphs into COLIN, THE COMPUTER WHISPERER. He's a whiz.

So he called me back (after a very dweeby, oh-so-uncool panicky message by me), and told me he had no clue what was wrong... but simply the sound of his voice fixed the problem. The computer magically healed itself. I tell you, this guy really has got IT.

i never knew cream of wheat could be so yummy!

2006-05-02T22:42:00.000-04:00

That's right, folks... today I learned of the deliciousness of cream of wheat! Emily and I went over to Adriana's (our friend from the international Bible study) apartment tonight for a yummy Romanian dinner with her and her daughter, Nina. It was really really good! :)

I am very bad at remembering what the main meal is called (something like "mamaliga"?), but it was a cornmeal-based paste which you added feta, cottage cheese, sour cream, butter, etc. to, and then mixed them all together. I enjoyed it a lot. For dessert, we had the cream of wheat with strawberries--a combo I definitely never would've imagined on my own, but one that was surprisingly good. I plan to try to make both again sometime. Mmmmm!

The dinner was a great time of hanging out, too. Nina is coming to Purdue in the fall, so I hope to see her again (a lot?). It was really fun getting to meet her since I've heard so much about her, and we got to see her fancy commencement and prom dresses in a sort of fashion show. :) She's a talker (for sure!), but it was just great. Adriana is simply a wonderful friend, too. I didn't want to leave! She's a very kind hostess, and just a very sweet and caring woman. I'm going to miss her a lot over the summer.

That said, I'm getting more and more excited about Germany, but also sadder and sadder about leaving Lafayette, despite my lack of friends here to hang out with on a normal basis. I'm really going to miss my staff buddies (today we quilted, and that was a blast!), my students, and folks like Adriana who I never would've met in Cow-town. Michigan is one of my favorite places, for sure, but there are definitely things about Indiana that I'll miss this summer!

On another note...
Today I thought I sent my cell phone to Africa. Thankfully, I did not.

all good things must come to an end... unless you're talking about GOD

2006-04-29T00:47:00.000-04:00

Today I had my last appointments with girls on campus, and tonight was our last Cru gathering of the year. I'm excited for the summer (especially Germany with Becky and Michelle!!!!), but I also am sad to say goodbye to my girls and campus life. I think it'll be a sad, sad day when I decide I don't like the college grind anymore. I'm definitely far from that right now!

I should be in bed right now (very seriously)--tomorrow's going to be a crazy and LONG day. Still, I got in a cleaning/packing whirlwind, and sometimes you just don't mess with a good thing. Despite the cleaning part of the whirlwind, my room is still very messy, but I feel like I'm accomplishing something by boxing up the goods and moving them to the hallway. Hopefully the piles will be gone before my roommates get too irritated (the stuff will be gone tomorrow morning, so let's hope that's soon enough!). Although I enjoy dismantling my room on one hand, I find it extremely sad on the other. The end of any era (no matter how fun or awful) seems to be this way for me. I'm a reminiscer.

lost tail update

2006-04-25T16:49:00.000-04:00

Yeah, it may seem a little obsessive, but I have an update on the lost tail (err... camera).

Yesterday I went back to the dorm where I thought I'd lost it, and it had been turned in! (HOORAY!) Unfortunately, they couldn't find it... only the case. There is currently a big question--where did my camera go?--and all the staff at Hawkins are wondering it, too. It seems that it was there, and when I actually came to get it, all that was left was the case. I suppose we have a mystery on our hands... or a very sloppy theft from the inside. They said they'll work to track it down... please pray that they do!

Just for nostalgic fun, here's a photo taken with my lost camera... (one of its last ones before this traumatic episode)

eyeore lost his tail...

2006-04-21T23:50:00.000-04:00

According to a recent survey (and a survey from over a year ago), I have a melancholy personality. This is very telling. I think Eyeore was also a melancholy, and sometimes I feel like him.

This Wednesday, I did something practially unprecedented for me. I lost my digital camera without knowing it. I think it's gone forever (and although it's just a thing, I feel like a loser for having left it somewhere and not remembered to fetch it back up before leaving...). :( The saddest part of this whole thing is that I lost the pictures I'd been taking this week that were of particular value to me. Ah, those memories! I showed my melancholiness Thursday when I realized what I'd done, and Char said, "Eyeore, you lost your tail!" That is particularly why I was melancholy-feeling. I'd lost my tail.

Tonight after Cru, a few of us went to the park and played on some SERIOUS playground equipment. All people need to experience this one. The highlights included: identifying Orion & the Big Dipper, swinging HIGH, seeing Amy fitting into a toy for 2-5 year olds, and finding Emily's and my name in the sidewalk! SUPER!!!

wild honey

2006-04-15T23:44:00.000-04:00

That's the song I'm listening to right now--a Beach Boys classic. That band brings back such great memories from childhood! Theirs was the first cassette tape I ever bought on my own, and Krystal and I had quite a collection by the time CDs came onto the scene.... There's nothing better than the first tape (I still have it). I was in 4th grade then, and would take my (uber-cool) walkman to my sisters' t-ball games and listen to the Beach Boys over and over (and over...).

I remember the star hitter, John K., always wanted to listen to "California Girls" when he was on the bench waiting for his turn to bat. Sometimes I'd let him listen to a song, but which one he heard just depended where I was in the 10 or 11-song cycle. Ah. The Beach Boys were part of a much simpler time in my life!

Tonight, I was checking out the latest stuff on www.homestarrunner.com (which I really haven't been to in months), and my roommate commented that she'd never even heard of the site. I'm shooting these questions out there, please answer them if you have any insight whatsoever:

Is Homestar something that was only popular for the nerds at MTU, or are other parts of the world impacted as profoundly?

Is my roomie simply the exception, or is it better for me to assume students/people recently graduated have not experienced Trogdor and his burnination?

it may not be the next Little Women, but...

2006-04-14T18:20:00.000-04:00

I'm writing a book. For those to whom this comes as a surprise... are you sure you know me? I think writing is something that has always characterized me, so the thought of a book being a shock is, well, a little shocking to me.

Anyhow, I've tinkered with many-a-book-idea, but have always come back to children's novels about three little girls (I know that is uber-creative). I won't disclose details, since then you'd think you knew all about my growing-up years, but I'm enjoying the drafting process, and now I really wish I'd taken that creative writing course at Tech instead of (very awful) philosophy. Oh well, though. I can figure out what makes a good children's book... I have read hundreds of them, after all.

Any suggestions would be happily accepted, though. Tips, thoughts, ideas...?

ask him for a baby elephant

2006-04-11T23:49:00.000-04:00

Today I finished Blue Like Jazz, and I began writing--only not on actual paper (that came later)--about some things God has done that I have witnessed firsthand. It was pretty amazing to think about all of the people I have seen Him change through His Word and...well... Himself. And the coolest part to me is that these aren't people I just know of, these are people I really KNOW. And these are people who really know me. It's almost too intense for me to bear!

And this summer...?
Casting vision (BIG VISION) is something I love doing, especially when I'm casting vision to (with?) someone who wouldn't have thought quite so big. I'm in the process of trying to get the women I meet with this year to think waaaaay outside of the box when it comes to planning for their summer breaks and their walks with the Lord. These are gals who (I think) don't really see how much God wants to use them in huge ways. At least, they don't see that yet. That's what I'm working on.

great lakes, great times

2006-04-10T00:11:00.000-04:00

Michigan may just be my favorite state (anybody with me on "Yes! Michigan!"?)... but probably because I have so much fun when I go there to visit people. It's just chock-full of my buddies!

This weekend was no different--hung out a lot with Stephanie, saw Jean (very pregnant, and now equipped to keep her baby a healthy hue), got some SWEET new bowls (which will be employed in rice-eating...yum!), met a new friend ("belac"--a kindergartener named Caleb), and enjoyed some banter with Greg (still improving his Bad Boy image). Sigh! What a pleasant way to spend a weekend. Not a hoosier in sight (but I do enjoy Indiana, too....)! ;)

On my way home today I had a few entertaining experiences:

A very smooth guy was at the drive-through at Fazoli's. Greg and I had to laugh (well, it was mostly me laughing) about it. I could definitely imagine him trying to put the moves on some poor girl using his drive-through voice. Funny, but a little pathetic? I will not be hit-on by the fast-food drive-through guy. I refuse!

Needed some gas in a bad way, but none was to be had.
Drove 12 more miles...still nothing.
I began to think I was in the U.P.
Finally, an exit (Michigan City) with a McDonald's.
I go for it.
Many miles later...still no McD's, and there's no way I can make it back to the expressway on what tiny dribble of gas which must be left in my tank.
...wait!
What's that in the distance?
GOLDEN ARCHES!!!!!
Where there is McDonald's there surely MUST be a gas station!
And...
maybe...
YES!
I find gas about 19 miles after I thought my car was going to sputter out and die on
me.
Amazing how God can work with loaves and fishes!

Talked to Brian Hassler (very briefly). This was weird, but pleasant. Still, the phone battery died, so it was short-lived.

Missed Robert's call from Africa because of my lack-of-phone-chargedness. Why do I always miss the Polka-roo?

I also had a delicious ice cream cone. This did not make (or break) my experience, but it was pretty good. Still, the DQ guy here in Lafayette has skillz that could take any McDonald's ice cream cone maker.

romper bomper stomper boo!

2006-04-06T21:43:00.000-04:00

Hmm... I feel like I should make a post of some sort, but I don't know what to post about. It seems that I've been frequently forgetting what I spend my time doing. People ask me how my week has been, and I say, "Um... good, I guess. I can't remember anything that I've done, so it must all be ordinary stuff." This borders on pathetic. I do not have a completely droll life--I don't! I should start remembering that.

melissa's 23!

2006-04-04T18:38:00.000-04:00

Today is the birthday of my best friend in 6th grade--Melissa Hewlett. She's now 23. I don't know if that's at all relevant, since I haven't seen her since...11th grade? I switched schools in 7th grade, and didn't see her much except at basketball games and stuff. I think my last Melissa-encounter was at a football game. My team most definitely won.

On the birthday train, my cousin Matt turned 8 (or 9?) a week or so ago. Get this--instead of having a normal birthday party, he asked my aunt if all his friends could bring books to the party "for the orphans". Isn't that sweet? Today I mailed him some suprise bonus books, Maniac Magee and James and the Giant Peach. These two were a couple of my favorites in 4th grade, along with Harriet the Spy (I totally wanted to be her). While I was purchasing my books for orphans, I invested in a copy of Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfeild. It's so relaxing to read for the fun of it, and to read something that is so simple! I think all of my pleasure-hormones come out when I read. ah. What were your favorite children's books growing up? Inquisitive minds long to know.

and when I least expect it... God shows up!

2006-03-30T23:45:00.000-05:00

I've discovered over my lifetime (however long or short it may seem to some) that God does things I don't expect. When I look back after He does them, though, I always wonder why I didn't see it coming. He's the completely-surprising-to-keep-you-on-your-toes-while-still-being-somewhat-rational kind of God. Well, He's mostly that kind of God. I'm not going to try to put Him in a box. ;)

Anyway, today He did some very cool things that I now can see make very good sense, but were things I was a little flustered about initially. One of them regards housing for next year (here in Lafayette... I'm re-interning if they'll have me), and is not completely set up yet, but involves living with Pauline! I'm uber-excited, and we have a couple of potential places to check out... it's a little scary to have to be grown-ups, but also exhilarating.

ON ANOTHER NOTE: I'm going to Freiburg this summer (oh yeah!), and just got (almost for-sure) confirmation that Mel is going to meet me there at the end of the project for some sweet Europe-hopping fun (just like last time, perhaps?)! I'm pretty psyched for that, too, since I really wanted to do a little travelling, but didn't want to do it ALL ALONE. Europe is so much better with a buddy!

God's been answering prayers all over the place! RAWHIDE!

some thoughts on some things (the abridged version)

2006-03-28T23:33:00.000-05:00

This evening I spent an hour or so at my favorite coffee shop here in W. Lafayette, and read a little. It was great, and (since I'd forgotten my Bible on the kitchen table at home) an opportune time to do a little writing/rambling/you-get-the-picture. These are the abridged notes from that prattlization....

"I'm at Cafe Royale. It's a Tuesday night, so it's get-an-upgrade-card--FREE--with-any-purchase day. I bought a vanilla tea ($1.85). I did not get an upgrade card. Therefore, I am generally frustrated (but not enough, apparently, to have asked my barista for one).

"And my frustration frustrates me. It bothers me for multiple reasons: #1--I've only ever gotten an upgrade card once, but I didn't even use it myself (I gave it to Colin); #2--I always get tea, and there are no sizes involved (and I get as many free refills of hot water as I want!); #3--I hate being bothered by "this sort of stuff" (referring to materialism in general, which, I had erroroniously thought I didn't struggle with)!

"I don't have too many money issues...I think I spend A LOT on coffee and tea.... Anyhow, my problem really manifests itself when "free stuff" is on the scene. I'm quite a sucker for the "free stuff". Embarrassingly so....

"I wonder if throwing money at the problem will solve it... like, "ok, I want free stuff. I'll give more of my money away to combat it...." Would that even help?

"I like to be generous, but I'm stingy when it comes to free things. What's my deal? REALLY... WHAT IS IT? Ugh. I hate materialism (and that means I also hate free tampons from PCB, even though I desire them)."

*****enough of that topic... here's more thoughts on more things*****

"Blue Like Jazz is pretty mellow. I like that it makes me think, and that I feel intellectual when I think. Another thing--I feel like solidarity is some kind of regal thing when I read that book (and that makes me feel regal, since I have lots of alone time here).... I desire my little introvert-fix after I read BLJ, I just want to become a hermitess and write manuscripts and think deep thoughts, and post on my new blogspot [as I am currently doing!]. I could do that a lot... for a day or two.

"I think it's like circadian rhythm--very glamorous and seductive at first because it's different and chic, but after a little while, you're up during all the night hours and sleeping all day... and you can't have any friends anymore because your schedules do not coincide AT ALL, and then it's not chic or rebel-cool anymore, it's simply weird, annoying, and lonely. And, at that point, you wish you'd been reentraining yourself every day instead of fighting your natural inclination and doing this "freedom" thing that really only imprisoned you more."

*****and the last bit*****

"Today I felt like I got a glimpse--ever so small--of what an effective ministry could look like in Meredith. It was (actually) a glimpse of me casting a vision without doing so "officially". I shared my life and what is amazing about God with both Kari and Lyndi. I did it naturally--they thought it was just one of my (many) tangents. If I continue to (secretly?) share God's work in my life (really, it was just His work in Joshua...), I could secretly be discipling and transforming women by pointing them to a truer depiction of Christ and a deeper relationship with God as they begin to grasp and understand Him more. Could be awesome."

And that concludes today's ramblings, yet I think I have so much more to share. My brain has been working overtime lately. I really do enjoy that.

lost in translation

2006-03-27T17:26:00.000-05:00

This morning I attended the second-to-last URL (University Religious Leaders) meeting of the semester (which I needed to attend because I haven't been to any yet this semester), and heard some keynote speakers talk about genocide in honor of Holocaust Remembrance Week. It was a bittersweet experience.

I truly enjoyed hearing one guest share with us (however briefly) about her experience as a Holocaust survivor, having fled to Shanghai with her mother to escape Nazi persecution. I love learning about the truth behind such eras... truth that comes from individuals' experiences. I enjoyed her bit so much that I even waited around after the breakfast to thank her for coming and swap email addresses.

The rest of the breakfast speakers were a little too political for my liking, and also, it seemed (along with many of those asking questions at the end of the short speeches) simply wanted to talk above the group, rather than explain things so that we would be inspired to act. Now, I can't really judge their motives (since I don't know their hearts), so please don't think that I desire to do so, but I found myself wondering why.

Maybe I wonder about this because I enjoy sharing my faith and speaking in order to motivate others to act. That is one idea. Another is that because I was a communications major, I understand the value of communicating effectively.

I really, truly want to believe, though, that I simply hate to see people being belittled, regardless of their education or social status. I want people to care for each other, and extend that care by making efforts to treat others with respect. If someone is speaking to a group about a certain agenda, why not cater the speech to the group's vernacular (of course, within reason...) so the message is not lost in translation? It seems that too often, action never occurs because people are left scratching their heads in confusion or laughing in mockery after they've been addressed by a speaker.

This whole concept has me reevaluating my own norms of communication, particularly regarding my communication about Christ. Do I ever try to speak above those I'm sharing with? Do I try to use fancy jargon to make myself look elite and all-knowing? How do I use my own situation in ways that estrange people, and consequently, turn them from the gospel? Perhaps most importantly, How do I become all things to all people so I can relate to them and meet them where they are?

This is something worth discovering.

come one, come all!

2006-03-26T20:37:00.000-05:00

Right now (as in, 30 seconds ago), I have officially opened this blog to the public by making its wherabouts known on my xanga. Welcome!

Today I watched the movie version of Godspell. I have, until this point, intentionally avoided it. I would love feedback from others who've either seen the play or the movie before I add my two-cent's worth. (Did that last bit sound like my grandma talking?) I need to go warsh my laundry, okie-doke?

I never call Russia in real life.

2006-03-26T13:50:00.000-05:00

I had a funny dream last night that I was running from secret service agents or something. I had a bodyguard, too, who I had to pretend I was married to whenever we went anywhere. I don't remember his name, but he never slept. It seems creepy and completely abnormal, but in the dream (of course) it was perfectly fine and I didn't worry about his lack of sleep at all. I mean, that was his job. He was really good at it.

I remember very little other than the fact that I had to keep changing clothes, I got a haircut, and I had to hide beneath a restaurant booth so I could make a long-distance call to Russia (it was of critical importance... there was some crazy music going on in the background, too!).

When I woke up this morning, I almost thought my real life was the same. Then I really woke up when I realized that I never call Russia in real life.

mmm... yes!

2006-03-22T11:57:00.000-05:00

Today at ECC (the women's Bible study), Sara asked Char and me to teach for a couple of weeks on how to practically share our faith in everyday life! I'm so geeked for this that I want to scream! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I can't wait to resource these women and send 'em out as gospel-sharing machines!

so here we go again...

2006-03-22T00:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's official. I'm a blogging nutcase.

I just can't seem to commit when it comes to a server... but I think blogspot is it. If it's not it, then I think I'll probably retire from my searching and call it a bust.

Here are some highlights from today:

Jon asking me what a "duvet" is, as well as what a "sham" is. I love his vulnerability when it comes to things he "doesn't know because he's a guy".
Hearing from Christi how well her times with God have been this semester after she started reading through the New Testament and journalling her questions and insights (heck yeah!).
Having Angela come to Bible study (I mean... "cell group"--I really do still have difficulty with that terminology.)... AND she ate my snack! Yeeeehaw!
Sending "top-secret" packages to my sweet sistas.
Checking things offa my list! I just love doing that!
Getting a message-board post from Mark--it made my day to hear that my post made his day! :)

I think (in general) that I might be made for grad school (someday, not TODAY). I really miss being a student, especially over the last couple of days... I want to have a ministry to my peers, and that seems to require me having peers. Definitely would be easier if I were a university lifer.