some thoughts on some things (the abridged version)

This evening I spent an hour or so at my favorite coffee shop here in W. Lafayette, and read a little. It was great, and (since I'd forgotten my Bible on the kitchen table at home) an opportune time to do a little writing/rambling/you-get-the-picture. These are the abridged notes from that prattlization....

"I'm at Cafe Royale. It's a Tuesday night, so it's get-an-upgrade-card--FREE--with-any-purchase day. I bought a vanilla tea ($1.85). I did not get an upgrade card. Therefore, I am generally frustrated (but not enough, apparently, to have asked my barista for one).

"And my frustration frustrates me. It bothers me for multiple reasons: #1--I've only ever gotten an upgrade card once, but I didn't even use it myself (I gave it to Colin); #2--I always get tea, and there are no sizes involved (and I get as many free refills of hot water as I want!); #3--I hate being bothered by "this sort of stuff" (referring to materialism in general, which, I had erroroniously thought I didn't struggle with)!

"I don't have too many money issues...I think I spend A LOT on coffee and tea.... Anyhow, my problem really manifests itself when "free stuff" is on the scene. I'm quite a sucker for the "free stuff". Embarrassingly so....

"I wonder if throwing money at the problem will solve it... like, "ok, I want free stuff. I'll give more of my money away to combat it...." Would that even help?

"I like to be generous, but I'm stingy when it comes to free things. What's my deal? REALLY... WHAT IS IT? Ugh. I hate materialism (and that means I also hate free tampons from PCB, even though I desire them)."

*****enough of that topic... here's more thoughts on more things*****

"Blue Like Jazz is pretty mellow. I like that it makes me think, and that I feel intellectual when I think. Another thing--I feel like solidarity is some kind of regal thing when I read that book (and that makes me feel regal, since I have lots of alone time here).... I desire my little introvert-fix after I read BLJ, I just want to become a hermitess and write manuscripts and think deep thoughts, and post on my new blogspot [as I am currently doing!]. I could do that a lot... for a day or two.

"I think it's like circadian rhythm--very glamorous and seductive at first because it's different and chic, but after a little while, you're up during all the night hours and sleeping all day... and you can't have any friends anymore because your schedules do not coincide AT ALL, and then it's not chic or rebel-cool anymore, it's simply weird, annoying, and lonely. And, at that point, you wish you'd been reentraining yourself every day instead of fighting your natural inclination and doing this "freedom" thing that really only imprisoned you more."

*****and the last bit*****

"Today I felt like I got a glimpse--ever so small--of what an effective ministry could look like in Meredith. It was (actually) a glimpse of me casting a vision without doing so "officially". I shared my life and what is amazing about God with both Kari and Lyndi. I did it naturally--they thought it was just one of my (many) tangents. If I continue to (secretly?) share God's work in my life (really, it was just His work in Joshua...), I could secretly be discipling and transforming women by pointing them to a truer depiction of Christ and a deeper relationship with God as they begin to grasp and understand Him more. Could be awesome."


And that concludes today's ramblings, yet I think I have so much more to share. My brain has been working overtime lately. I really do enjoy that.