could've been me

So... today I impulsively bid on a cheap i-pod on e-bay. I've never done that before, I mean, I've never really bid on anything before, let alone an i-pod, but it was only $35 (the old clunky kind, but still an i-pod, so fabulous, right?), so I let loose and bid.

The auction was closing in something like 20 min, so I waited with piqued anticipation as I watched the bidding... I had it at about $43, and nobody else was making a move... then I got scared. What if I actually WON? Then I'd have to buy it. I wasn't sure that was what I really wanted, so I started to secretly hope someone would show up in the last 14 min and bid and bid a lot.

And that's precisely what happened. Somebody bid it up to $50+, so I was off the hook and I think they now have a confirmed win on that i-pod (which I noticed after bidding, comes with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING--no charger cord, no manual, no... well, anything).

***

I think it's often in my life that I take a little step in a direction, and then am terrified of what I've done. Can't it be undone? Can't I change my mind? Won't somebody please bail me out of my impulsive or foolish decisions?

It's all too common in my life to think and behave this way, and it's really annoying! If I am a calculated person (like I think I am), why do I lack discipline so much in areas of my life where stepping out in faith is such a fearful experience? I think I need to discipline myself to embrace the fear and go for it... I need to make conscious efforts to put myself into terrifying situations that stretch my comfort zone so I can prove to myself that I can hack it, and thereby make my comfort zone a little bigger.

I am going to begin stretching myself.